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My experience as asexual.

My body developed early. I'm a small woman, but as a child I was always tall for my age at least 1 or 1 and half years taller than what I had to be. I just stopped to grow at 13. At 9 I started to look less like a child and more like a woman while most of my peers were still child-looking. But my body didn't reflected my mind. While my peers started to want to look attractive (while respecting the limit of their kid-bodies), I kept to draw, write, sew and build toys with paper.

As teenager, like what happens to gay and lesbians, I wanted to fit. Being asexual is a bit more complicated than being gay or lesbians (I don't know about being bisex, I think is as confusing as being asexual), because you don't understand why you don't feel . When you're a teenager you start to feel attracted by somebody, usually of your age, or by any pop star. And as asexual, I do feel hetero aesthetic attraction, usually toward long haired men (as my character show. is my only 'darling' I can't give up), especially those that look Scandinavian. But my peers were attracted by 'real' people, by people around them, people which they could talk with. I didn't had interest in that.

I remember as autistic child, I learned some 'neurotypical' skills by forcing them, imitating the way NTs behave even without understanding why (Like when i sat in group just because I realize NTs stay in group, but I didn't understand NTs activities), and I learned to recognize feelings by associating them with colours (I didn't even used the right colour except for blue=sadness, colours were chosen randomly in a way I could remember them better).
So why not forcing attraction toward my peers? Some day I could be be attracted by a man for real.
Since I didn't know and I hadn't understanding about what shyness was, even if I was 13, I was straightforward to tell to a boy 'I like you, may you be my boyfriend?'.I also had no worries about my look, and as opposite as many, wearing glasses made me proud and confident. I disliked being fat, but I just though 'is my body type. I can't do nothing about that'.
Of course nobody liked me, but I was aware about being ugly, so I excepted that. I didn't cry over a reject like the others, simply because... I din't really care about being romantically involved.

Even when, at 15, I did a 'proper' advances (ridiculous writing straightforward glittery letters while other people where at the 'sex phase'), when I was rejected, rather than feeling upset and crying, somewhere in my brain a voice echoed 'I am free!'. I was satisfied by the fact that I tried to convince a boy to be my soulmate the same way other 'peers' (truly as autistic that doesn't understand social clues and goes by imitation, I imitated my former peers and I used methods that were common for people younger than me) and i was sure that by that moment, I could feel spontaneous love for somebody.
But I was wrong. For long I didn't feel anything toward people. I felt admiration and I mistook it for infatuation. I believed (and still believe) that when people don't tell who is the person they like is not because they're shy, but is because they have no real interest in that person, because if you're sure about your feelings, you don't care about anything, regardless your personality.
People around me were sure I was a lesbian but women never caught my interest, not even aesthetically.

I myself though that maybe I was bisex, and that I hadn't to except that my soulmate was a man. I was open about having a woman soulmate as a man soulmate. Still, by becoming adult and stopping the 'hormonal storm' even the slightest romantic interest (still at childish stage, never matured) stopped. I'm still here with visual attraction toward long haired, Scandinavian-ish men and nothing more. I realized I was asexual only when I was 25 or 26 years old, here on DA because a person that I watched, on one of memes '8 things about me' wrote vulgarly (but clear enough) about being asexual and what it does means. in few sentences.

I did coming out to my family immediately, with no surprised toward my parents, especially my mum that realized that way earlier, when I was still at my early teenage age (I remember in those years I told to my mum 'If someday I discover I am lesbian, what would you think? I still don't know clearly what I am' and I was already 16 or 18, and my mum answered 'I would understand and support you, but I believe you may have no sexuality at all!').

Asexuality is harder to understand because often even gay, lesbians and bisex can't understand and accept it. When I told openly about that in a forum, to test what other people had to say, a mediocre lesbian (and engaged) psychologist told me 'you're surely lesbian or you have been raped as a child!'. And a gay on DA, when I told him 'why you, as gay man can't understand? If gay exists, why asexual shouldn't?' I received this answer: 'Sex is in human nature, nobody is insensitive to it. You may not fell attraction toward actual people, you may be attracted by objects like chairs or sofas, but you have same sexual needs as me, as everybody!'

I found people that supported me, and apart from the few asexual I could meet, they were all those 'evil' heterosexuals! Yes, I had more acceptance and support by regular heterosexual people. I don't say all gays are not understanding but surely among the coldest people there were gays.

I believe that being asexual can be unfortunate, 'unfair' as I said in the title, in some cases, especially when  you want to have a child. My kind of asexuality lacks both of sexual and romantic attraction. I can't love and i can't have sex. If I hadn't problem with sex, it would be not hard to find a man that would lend his seed without wanting to be a father. But in my cases, my only hope to have a child would be assisted reproduction, hoping to have the same fertility my mum had (she could get pregnant almost just by wanting a child, I and my brother were both conceived in the most unfavorable condition without any difficulty). I don't know if virginity is a problem (I would go in Denmark). Asexuality may makes maternity more difficult.
Wanting to be a mum has noting to do with wanting a romantic relationship.


About society i could not care any less, I think that this is unusual (really not too unusual) thinking for a right winged person like me, but still, I can be right winged and LGBTA. Like any right winged person, I strongly believe in family responsibility, loyalty and stability and I'm against shallow relationships (meet and do sex, marry today and divorce tomorrow, have a child and then escape, today they're too common), regardless the gender.
Experience taught me that society (Truly I don't like the word society. Is abstract) cares about you being different only if you care aswell. If I don't care, the other wouldn't cared too, and when they do, they will get used to it quite soon.
  • Listening to: VV.AA
  • Reading: Blender tutorials here and there
  • Watching: Dragon Ball Super and video tutorials
  • Playing: Skyrim

deviantID

AliceSacco
I WANT TO GO IN NORWAY AGAIN!!!


IF YOU SPAM, I'LL HIDE YOUR COMMENTS.

MY BLOG ---> nordlyspaamars.blogspot.com/
YOUTUBE ---> www.youtube.com/user/AliceSacc…
My page on SAINTS ROW THE THIRD community ---> www.saintsrow.com/profile/AEgi… (I'm AEgirCat. Even my real name was already taken)
Smackjeeves www.smackjeeves.com/profile.ph… (did nothing again)

Since I totally lack of artistic talent, I can draw only with references.
- 2013 - Not anymore, but references are always useful -

PERFECTIONISM is NOT O.C.D., so don't mistake it, please!

I'm an aspie, and I think this is an handicap to my vision of the world. I'm not a genius and I have no peculiar talents.
At first glance I seem an uncreative, single minded person, without possibility of change. In true I try to stay open. I try to understand myself and other people and I study to reach my goals.
I like to draw, to write and to read, to play at videogames like The Sims 2 and Saints Row III, astronomy and norwegian language. Currently I'm working at two comic projects.
I started to draw when I was very little. I always loved to draw, especially comics, but to art school I discovered I totally lack of natural talent and skills, and teacher discouraged me to draw, because I couldn't improve.
I hope to get better at drawing and to learn to do comics in a professional way.
There are people that think I should make my comic soon, even if at the moment it would suck because 'even Stephanie Meyer sucks, and she's still popular' but for me 'things have to be done well, or I can avoid to do them from the start'.
Lately I learned taht writing a story is a personal thing and for this I will not spoil my story anymore, nor I will ask for help.
I'm pretty disappointed about what comic industry ask. For example, in my country, industry ask for pseudo-intellectual subjects and for boring stories with flat characters.

IF YOU ARE ONE OF MY WATCHERS
If you see I hide almost all of my deviations, DON'T WORRY. It has nothing to do with my mood.

You cantalk with me in:
Italian
English
Norwegian (bokmål) (although I need a lot of pratice!!!)


My other account :iconde-giacomo-twins:


Link to some fanwriters and and OC writers
:iconcao-cao: italian and english cao-cao.deviantart.com/journal… <--- LEGGERE PER FAVORE
:iconsnow-reina: italian only


100 theme challenge

1. Introduction fav.me/d3kjer7
2. Love fav.me/d39ixut
3. Light fav.me/d3eicpq
4. Dark fav.me/d3hii5f
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again fav.me/d47gbsx
11. Memory
12. Insanity fav.me/d4dhbcb
13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood fav.me/d3f0cue
18. Rainbow
19. Gray
20. Fortitude
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat fav.me/d4il3y9
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness fav.me/d3g86yw
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood fav.me/d4bp1kc
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
64. Multitasking
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror fav.me/d4etvrs
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me? fav.me/d3i0rgj
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning alicesacco.deviantart.com/art/…
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
99. Solitude
100. Relaxation

All 100 theme challenge
1 100themeschallenge.deviantart.…
2 100themeschallenge.deviantart.…
3 100themeschallenge.deviantart.…
4 100themeschallenge.deviantart.…
5 100themeschallenge.deviantart.…

Current Residence: Stellport
Favourite genre of music: Metal (especially Power, Symphonic, Dark and Death), some BG music from Sc4, '80s music.
Favourite photographer: A lot
Favourite style of art: Realistic drawing with cartoonish lineart and cell shading.
Operating System: Seven - I love Windows, I dislike Mac
Wallpaper of choice: Den Ishavskatedralen i Tromsø
Favourite cartoon character: Many, Vegeta above all.
Personal Quote: Che il sultano mantenga le tradizioni nella propria terra, ma non tenti di imporle ad altri regnanti.
(Vlad Țepeș)

L and Misa stamp by LlingyThe Smurfs Logo Stamp by dA--bogeymanTHEY MUST HAZ GF OR BF by Its-An-Inferno:thumb180500525:The Cat Returns Stamp by ditto9OC Stamp by MarikBentusiMidna Stamp by UltrathefoxYes, it exists. But it's a natural cycle. (EDIT) by World-Hero21Jiji by EllexonBlack Cat Owner by WishmasterAlchemistCats and Math by SongficcerSailor Moon Sin Stamp by vbabe1Yivae FAN by shisleya:thumb155494194:Toothless Stamp by poptsotGenki Stamp by badtrane:thumb122651810:L Death Note Stamp 3 by NeyjourCrazy Dudes stamp by Cherille.Hajime No Ippo. by DJ990JSaints Row The Third Stamp by badtrane:thumb127101253:Catbus by ovstampsI heart Sims 2 - Pets by snwgamesI support web comics by AnnetteksI support gambu animated stamp by TatsuTDMirari Fan Club by Mirari-Fan-ClubI support Ermy's Art by Ermy:thumb329398801:Stamp-Oscar by RedPassion
.:IPDM - Stamp:. by WhiteKimahri
Scorpions stamp by krassrocksHelloween stamp by KelpyKradSavatage stamp by krassrocksHeadbanging by cirruswolf
Midnattsol stamp by MorbidMorticia:thumb70588812::thumb95253434:
Love is noise Stamp 2 by JetProwerTheFox
Family Guy is Not That Funny by Kitschensyngk
UT For You Stamp by DarkwingFan
Rightwing of DA stamp by ConservatoonsConservative For Gay Rights. by Rock-RaiderDon't be naive. by Ramen27Anti-Racism Stamp by MetalShadowOverlord:thumb188055216::thumb67980706:Free Iran Now by 1stClassStampsStamp: Sharia Law by 8manderz8anti-Heterophobia stamp by pallottili:thumb102837585:Israel Stamp by lady-warrior:thumb123142461::thumb179524150:Christianity =/= Homophobia Stamp by AlfaFilly:thumb95681975:Use Common Sense by HarmonicSonicStamp - Religious Hate by Fullmetal-PhantomNo Che by 1stClassStampsHumans don't .... by moni158:thumb124816424::thumb73573957:God and science by neon-fruitChristians for Non-Dickheads by genkistampsBreast Cancer Stamp by SenziSay No to Drugs... by Ghostwalker2061Say no to Tail Docking Stamp by RaptorArts:thumb441245891:People will believe the stupidest things. by Horsesnhurricanes
Long haired men by lonelycrowAmbies R Cool by acla13Only God Knows Stamp by flarefugikage:thumb251064669:no requests-stamp by ILoveKnucklesShadowI Like Broccoli Stamp by SerpentineCougarFan Fiction Writer by ShulkyI draw what I want stamp by izka197:thumb168345405:I have experienced Synesthesia by Powerwing-AmberHappy Ending Stamp by creature-nocturneMetal stamp by Sachiaru-UchihaSolar Eclipse Stamp by dehydromonStamp: Nature - Everyday Magic by FantasyStockAvatarsHave A Smurf Day by PsychoMonkeyShogunSelf-Taught Writer by World-Hero21More than romance - stamp by JessKat-artResearch Stamp by Luthrai:thumb148455737:Reading between the lines by Cherry-samaAurora Borealis Stamp by Brinatello:thumb186576393:Handwriting Stamp by Hamsterific:thumb172492941:I Speak English by ClockworkStampsJeg laerer norsk by 1stClassStampsWe tried. by EfanielSTAMP: Mean Artists Sucks by spinelquartzFieldOfStars Stamp by SeioraiCreativity by EpicStamps:thumb158106322:Fave Art Stamp by GoodiesForYou:thumb93194859:Asexual by HitmontopImagination-stamp by ZeroIQ5Northern Lights Stamp by sakumoonDancing Sims by Rookie-101:thumb82857451:Blood type A by HornedStorm:thumb49194461::thumb147524618:Peeople who r nut differnt leik ME r BORING NORMEL by Little-rolling-bean:thumb453236795:Don't ask stamp by izka197

Italian Expert Badge by LaufeyonBT EN Language Level stamp3 by Faeth-design

Switzerland Stamp by l8America Stamp by l8Norway Stamp by l8Israel Stamp by l8Finland Stamp by l8


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:iconalanschell:
AlanSchell Featured By Owner 6 days ago
Hey thanks for the fav on Jabberjaw!
Reply
:iconseppukuu:
seppukuu Featured By Owner 6 days ago
Thank you so much for the :+fav:! :dummy:
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:iconankazima:
AnkaZima Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2016  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you a lot for adding my quilt to your Favourites! :)
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:iconoshirockingham:
oshirockingham Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016   Digital Artist
Happy Birthday, Alice! :)
:hug:
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:iconalicesacco:
AliceSacco Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2016
Thank you.
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:iconoshirockingham:
oshirockingham Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2016   Digital Artist
you're very welcome, Alice :)
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:iconocioproduction:
OcioProduction Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Tanti Auguriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!! :la: :hug: ^^
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:iconalicesacco:
AliceSacco Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016
Grazie
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:iconocioproduction:
OcioProduction Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:TipOfTheHat: :TipOfTheHat: :TipOfTheHat: 
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:iconkervala:
Kervala Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday Alice :hug: :party: :iconhappybirthdaysignplz:
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:iconalicesacco:
AliceSacco Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016
Thank you
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:iconleomon32:
leomon32 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016  Student Digital Artist
Happy beeday !
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:iconalicesacco:
AliceSacco Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016
Thanks
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:iconintro71292:
Intro71292 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
All the best.:iconcakeplz::party::hug:
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:iconalicesacco:
AliceSacco Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016
Thank you
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:iconintro71292:
Intro71292 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
You are very welcome. I hope you had a great birthday.
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:iconkronosaurus82:
Kronosaurus82 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016  Professional Artist
Auguri! :) :)
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:iconalicesacco:
AliceSacco Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016
Grazie
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:iconnivalis70:
Nivalis70 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016   General Artist
Buon compleanno!! ^___^  MenInASuitcase 
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:iconalicesacco:
AliceSacco Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016
Grazie
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:iconcao-cao:
cao-cao Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016
auguri^^
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:iconalicesacco:
AliceSacco Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016
Grazie
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:iconmiyuuhime:
MiyuuHime Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2016  Student Digital Artist
Thank you very much for the fave!! <3
F2U Icon: Froggo Whoot? Sakuya Izayoi  perv emote Lovely Shoujo Emoji (Huggy Hug) [V2]
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:iconpajunen:
Pajunen Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the :+fav:
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:icontimnaas:
timnaas Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2016
thanks for the +fav
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